Overcoming Adversity: Be Like the Willow

"The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it; and so in great calamities, it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character."

-Walter Scott, novelist and poet (1771-1832) 

Traditionally, the oak tree gets a lot of respect. Oaks are solid, long-living, and branch out widely providing a lot of shade. Even the wood, once cut and put to use, is very hard with a beautiful grain. In literature they represent endurance, strength, courage, and tradition, among other things.

http://free-extras.com/images/willow_tree-11941.htm

Flexible willows are less strong, but are still quite useful in baskets, furniture, sculptures and fences. The willow is widely known for its medicinal properties, including salicin (in the aspirin family). Symbolically, willows conjure images of dreams, mourning, or even death.

I wonder if Walter Scott was thinking of "great calamities" in general, or romantic "tempests," or both? I think it makes sense either way. The romantic meaning is quite interesting, especially in light of the masculine symbolism of the oak and the feminine imagery of the willow. Surely he was also familiar with Shakespeare's use of willow imagery representing lost or forsaken love with his tragic heroines.

In a more general meaning for the "great calamities" of life, Scott's aphorism says that in life we can be stubborn and immovable, but it does not always serve us well. A person who stands clinging to their reality may not rally as well as one who is more flexible and adapts to the new reality.

This reminds me of another proverb:

"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind."

-Bruce Lee, martial artist, actor, philosopher (1940-1973)

Certain changes in life are unavoidable, and painful. They cannot be stopped by sheer force of will, which is something I have had to learn. I have to let these changes happen, weather the storm, and slowly bend back in recovery. As part of a grief process, this is part of the acceptance phase, I suppose. If I remained an oak, I might be destroyed by my own obstinacy.

Every day, I have to let go of something: old dreams, bitterness, worries. I must let go of these in order to move on and see an end to the storm so the next phase of my life can begin. For me, a high achiever who never gives up, this is counter-intuitive. But I am trying. It's hard. I have to keep reminding myself:

Be like the willow.

Ready to Fly

"Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings."

-Victor Hugo, writer, artist, statesman

Photo by Les Dublin.
http://www.ojaigarden.com/2008/03/bluebirds.shtml

This whole divorce thing really knocked me for a loop. Someone unexpectedly came and shook the branch upon which I was sitting. I think I fell for a while, maybe hitting a few branches on the way down, forgetting to sing, screeching in alarm.

I'm not sure, but I don't think I hit the bottom. I think I managed to thrash and struggle enough to avoid hitting the pavement. I'm still floundering around as I get my bearings. I have good days and bad days.

On my good days, I feel that I can get through this. I remember who I am inside and that I am whole, despite being injured. I am more than the something bad that has happened to me; It does not define me.

On my bad days, I have to remind myself of that.

I will fly back up to the treetop. My strength will come from the knowledge that I have the spirit to survive. I will have confidence to alight on the branch again, knowing I can weather what comes next. My wits will be sharp, and I will be ready to fly. 

Being Alone Can Be Beautiful

I came across this lovely video about how to be alone.  It's a gentle reminder for those who are unsure or are afraid of being alone, that it is okay. I found it very comforting. It reassures that being alone is not a bad thing. Being alone can lead to introspection and self-knowledge, as well as awareness and appreciation of one's surroundings. It can be very beautiful.

There is a lot of pressure out there to be in a relationship with someone, to hang out with people, or to talk on the phone at all times. It seems the consensus is that if you don't have people to talk to or be with, you must not be very important.

I believe there is also a profound societal compulsion to be "social" online. It seems to say, "Put yourself out there and force the world to interact with you! More "friends," more "followers," more commenters!" If you can't be with people in person,  you should be interacting with them in the online world, because apparently, it is bad to be alone for even a few minutes.

Of course I know that humans are social creatures, and have survived throughout time be living and working together. I am a very social person. I love being with friends as much as the next person. And I do find benefits in the use of online social networks. I'm not arguing for perpetual isolation and solitude. I am arguing, however, that being alone from time to time is undervalued and even devalued by society.

When my children started spending some weekends with their dad (my ex), I had alone time forced upon me. It was difficult and well, lonely, at first. I didn't know what to do with myself. I filled up this time with tasks and projects to distract myself. Even though I was busy, I found myself doing a lot of thinking about things, both pleasant and unpleasant. It was beneficial, however, to face my thoughts and feelings, though I was fearful of being overwhelmed by them at first.

I later began to embrace my alone time as "time off," or "me time." I had to become reacquainted with myself, since it had been so long since I had lived on my own. I remembered what it was like to slow down and linger over things that I cared about. I had time to shop in the grocery store at my own pace. I relearned what my interests were and started to pursue them. I enjoyed less structure with only myself to answer to. I also tried new things, like taking myself to dinner and a movie.

I really believe that these times by myself helped me be more comfortable with myself. I became more centered and self-aware. Being alone helped me feel that doing what I wanted was not necessarily selfish or irrelevant. It can be fulfilling to exercise independence and it can be freeing to know that, for a moment in time, the only expectations of you are your own.