I Want To Give Up

Some days it is so hard to keep my chin up. It seems like there are so many hurdles in my way. I am so tired of trying so hard for every single thing. I want to curl up on the floor and lie there for a long, long time. I wish someone would put me out of my misery. I could run away and leave my troubles behind.... right now.  Just take off running and not stop for a while.

Then, I start feeling a little foolish. It is not that bad. No one died- even though it feels like it. I still have my beautiful children. We have a place to live. I have a job. Things could be way worse.

http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_sep2006/DontEverGiveUp.htm

After a while, I stop imagining myself escaping from my troubles and lamenting my situation, but I still feel unfortunate and a trifle beat up. It's so hard to motivate myself to keep going. I have to stop looking about me at what is wrong, and look ahead to when things will be better, to what I want after this whole mess is behind me. If I can just stick it out long enough, the pain will go away and I'll be so glad I didn't give up.

I have dark days sometimes.  Sad, depressed, angry, resentful, jealous. I just have to remember the sun will come back.

Depression and Grief: How to Cope and "Take Care of Yourself"

"How can I ever be happy again?" you may ask. You may feel that you have descended into a black hole with no hope of escape. Just getting out of bed requires a herculean effort. The pain of depression can seem overwhelming and never-ending. It seems impossible that you could ever find happiness again. I am beginning to emerge from my own "black hole" and I have a few tips for coping with depression. Each person's situation is unique, but I thought that I would share what worked for me in hopes that it might help someone else. I think that anyone experience grief, whether because of divorce, the death of a loved one, or unemployment could find these tips useful.

1. Find Someone To Talk To- Find one or two sympathetic people who are good listeners and talk with them regularly about what is going on in your life. Friends, family members, and professional counselors supply needed perspective when you are consumed with your feelings. It's important for people to express their feelings and and be "heard." A good listener can help you empty yourself of frustration and anger.
2. Connect (Or Reconnect) With Friends- It is important for people to socialize, which is different than talking out their problems (see #1). With friends and family, just being with them can give you comfort during a time when you are down on yourself, doubting your worth, or questioning your decisions. These people want to spend time with you- just knowing that can boost your morale. They remember you before your problems began- when you were happy. And whatever you do together provides a distraction from your problems that allows you to lay down that burden for a while. 
3. Do What Gives You Joy- Play guitar, work in the garden, go on a jog, whatever is your thing. It doesn't have to be complicated. If you are lucky, you have been doing these things all along. Don't fall into the trap of letting your hobbies go by the wayside. It starves your soul and leads to low morale or even depression. These activities aren't merely time-wasters.  They are part of your self-concept and are what make you unique. They help you enjoy being alive- being you. Participating in them makes you feel whole again.
4. Eliminate Irritation- If something has been bugging you- change it. You don't need any more negative stimulation.  That ugly chair that makes you cringe every time you walk by- ditch it! The cluttered garage where you can never find the WD-40- organize it!  That kitchen drawer that has been waiting to be repaired and sticks every time you reach for a spoon- fix it! Even a small accomplishment gives a huge payoff. The rush of relief you get from removing a longtime thorn in your side will soon snowball as you make other positive changes in your life.
5. Get Out Of The House- When you have been feeling down for a while, a change of scene is in order. Visit some friends out of town, or go stay with family for a few days. It's not running away from your problems if you lay them aside for a set time and come back to them. It is a healthy way to rest and gain perspective, while staying in the same place can make you feel trapped or keep your thoughts in a rut.
6. Ask For And Accept Help Graciously- This is not the time to "be strong." When is a better time to accept help from those who care about you than when you have been devastated and are in pain? When you feel that you don't have strength to go on, lean on a friend or family member. This is the time that they can "be there" for you- don't take that away from them. If they don't offer help, don't be too proud or afraid to ask for it. Some people don't know how to help, but would gladly do it if you let them know what you need.
7. Stop And Smell the Roses- Enjoy simple pleasures. Find happiness and optimism in whatever corner you can. Watch children play in the park. Listen to snow fall. Observe the flower breaking through the patch of weeds. Make time for prayer, meditation, or quiet time. Practice having a grateful heart.
8. Make Something Beautiful- This could go along with #3 or #4.  Or it could simply be your hobby.  Some people actually create something, like photographs, decorated cakes, or scrapbooks, but it doesn't have to be "crafty" or "creative" in the traditional sense. It could be the process of taking something drab and making it fab- like landscaping, organizing a closet, or rearranging a room. Some people take it a step further and "transform" themselves through wardrobe and hairstyle. Whatever it is, make an intentional effort to make something you admire, which will bring you a sense of pride and satisfaction.

There probably seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, or that you are drowning in sorrow.  The tips above are ways to light a candle in the tunnel and to throw yourself a life preserver. It will take time, but you can rise above the adversity. There is nothing you are not strong enough to handle. What do heroes and regular people have in common?  They get through their problems one day at a time.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."- Lao Tzu

Disclaimer: The above tips are derived from my own experience. I am not trained in helping people cope with depression, divorce, or grief. Pursue at your own risk.